i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
