When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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