that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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