The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
