She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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