we have pet lesbian snakes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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