I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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