dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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