so explain again why im purple
no
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
