Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
