So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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