We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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