i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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