Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
