# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize