Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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