I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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