dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
