I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
