Nicole vs. Life
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
