i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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