Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
