I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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