I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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