You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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