So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
