And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
