Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
