Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know her cup size but not her name....
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