this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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