That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
