Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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