you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
