Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
