ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can text with my tongue
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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