so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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