Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
