Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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