They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
PANTIES FOUND
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