I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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