Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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