I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
