Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
