Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
