he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
