I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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