Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
