you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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