If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize