so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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