Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
