your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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