just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
