So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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