we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
