Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
