Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
