She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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