super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
