i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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