could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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