I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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