i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
