got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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